My scans are all clear! I am very relieved and feel like somehow I have an official clean bill of health for at least the next 6 months from now.
As Dayo and I were leaving my appointment we were taking in how relieved we were and how hard this always is. What we realized is that while there is something you can do about having cancer, there is very little you can do about the process of the cancer system. There are more and less effective ways of tolerating it - but ultimately it is what is. There are scans and blood work and at some point your doctor will either say you do or don't have cancer. There is no changing this process - other than to avoid it. These words change everything. On some level I knew I was okay, but no matter how hard I tried, and I tried really hard to intuit, surmise and guess, you do not get to predict when your doctor may tell you have cancer.
If I make it to the 5-year mark with no recurrence - and this is even a striking phrase for me to write - but if I do, they may then stop scanning me annually. Maybe. Perhaps then the process will be different. For now though, I have 6 months until the next scan. And that feels like a good long time to do just about anything else.